Yesterday was one of THOSE days.
You know the kind I mean.
Girls won’t stop screaming in the store while we’re shopping. Or hitting. Or bumping heads. Or fighting. Or annoying. Or grabbing things off the shelves. So shopping for things we are in need of was scrapped.
Just as I would get settled into something – anything – the phone would ring. I never quite finished any one project. I was left feeling that sense of loss. Of unease. Of failure.
Red juice got spilled onto mommy & daddy’s bed, so all the linens had to be washed.
The now decreasing, but not quite extinct, problems with constipation and NOT wanting to use the toilet took over our day.
Reading just one email felt like a serious accomplishment – although no real things were accomplished. Movies were played to capture little girls’ attention so I could get the load of laundry started. The dishes started. Supper started.
And then I remembered that it was, in fact, the anniversary of my abortion 22 years ago.
While I don’t weep the way I used to – there is still that sense of LOSS.
And it all made sense to me.
Why the day seemed lost. It was appropriate. It was God speaking to me through my feelings of loss – even before I remembered the deep meaning behind the feelings…
Although I bask in the forgiveness of God and am so grateful for his tender mercies toward me, the remembrance always brings some pain, some sorrow, some grief. My heart won’t let me forget.
But God is greater than my heart.
Whenever our hearts in [ tormenting] self-accusation make us feel guilty and condemn us. [For we are in God’s hands.] For He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him].
I John 3:20 (Amplified)
Thank you for your grace that breaks in waves over our lives, for tender mercies that gently speak peace in the midst of chaos, and for love that rises above the roar of the enemy’s accusations against us. Thank you for the covering of your Son’s blood and for intentionally NOT remembering our transgressions. I pray that your light shines out from my life – to the darkness and the enemy that seeks to consume us. Thank you for my beautiful family and remind me of the blessing they are to me during each moment – including the tough ones.