When Curly vomited in the playroom Saturday morning, I thought it was just a minor hiccup in a very busy weekend full of exams & deadlines. I was wrong. She only got sick once, but didn’t feel well for awhile. About the time she started feeling better, Georgie started feeling sick. And stayed sick longer. Meanwhile, Roy, who has had two weeks of very long days and crisis situations at work, was not feeling great, either. On top of that, he had to put in an hour or two at work on a weekend day, too!
I did not handle this well. I could not get past my desperate need to focus on completing 2 exams, despite my wracking sinus headache – 2 girls who were not feeling good and just wanted mommy – and a husband who really needed a quiet weekend after a very stressful couple of work weeks.
The best laid plans…
However, after a few meltdowns on my part – yes, there was yelling and a bad attitude – a brisk walk to clear my head, a break from the house and pressure of school deadlines – things got back to normal and I completed my exams successfully. Of course. I had to apologize to my daughters for losing my temper and yelling.
And I realized. It is not that I can’t handle pressure.
It is that I want to handle it the way I WANT TO HANDLE IT…
But life… well, Family, totally changes things. It is not that they do not support me or that they don’t want me to succeed. It is that I struggle to pursue things on my terms. And it doesn’t work.
This is a serious issue. A place where pride (cuz I’m “right” ya know) really tears at my ability to be a good mom. Not a perfect mom. But the kind of mom I want to be: gracious, loving, KIND…
Being Kind in 2009 – it’s a struggle. And God just keeps whittling away the rough patches… Thankfully! He helped me get a clear picture of my priorities, and provided the time and ability to complete my schoolwork without my necessary temper tantrums. It’s rather embarrassing impossible to explain to my 3 & 1 year old that they shouldn’t yell at each other, when the first thing I do in a pinch is raise my voice.
So, being what it is, Grace was extended in many ways, while explanations of right and wrong choices (including mine) were peppered throughout the weekend.
Like Chicken Little says, “Tomorrow is a new day…” It’s a new day for me to practice what I preach. To put into action the desires of my heart. So once again, on a Monday, with not quite enough sleep but with some hard earned humility, I must once again strive to
Be Kind in 2009.