Merry Tidbits

I fully intended to post this before Christmas and never had a chance to get to the computer. We are on the upswing (finally) of some nasty colds, although I have a good case of laryngitis (which makes Mothering VERY interesting…)

Having received a box of Cheryl & Co. cookies from my boss and having NO self-control whatsoever, I will likely enjoy a sugar cookie coma for the next week. Yes!!! (My boss is really terrific. Seriously – he feeds my Starbucks habit AND my sweet tooth – what more could I ask for???) What is it about the holidays that all inhibitions disappear and engaging in excess cookie-eating, eggnog-drinking, and festive-partying is normal? Is it the Christmas lights blinking some kind of subliminal message (wouldn’t THAT be great!) Is it a primal instinct to fatten up for the hard winter ahead (wouldn’t that be convenient!) I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop eating WHATEVER is out on a table or counter and it’s getting embarrassing having to brush crumbs off my cheeks before I can talk to someone…

Princess Curly was sitting on King Roy’s lap this morning when he says to her, “You’re so pretty.” She matter-of-factly replied, “Yeah. I know that.” WHAT!?! She’s 2 – how does she come up with that stuff??? How do you explain to a 2 year old that being a know-it-all is bad enough, but being a VAIN know-it-all is intolerable? So, we just gently prod her to say “Thank you” when someone tells you you’re pretty or smart (or whatever) and a little belatedly she adds a Thank You… sigh. I did NOT make her a princess – she was absolutely BORN that way.

I received a lovely little gift from my “Big” boss’s mother, Rose, who moved here from California a year ago. She is a wonderful Hungarian lady who has experienced more in one lifetime than I can imagine, and whose cheek (when I hug her) takes me back to the days when I could hug my own grandmother… Anyway – she gave a Precious Moments figurine to me for Christmas (and a plate of goodies, too!) What is so charming, is that it is entirely perfect for me. It is called “The Bee-liever” and is cute little girl with a little bee “buzzing” near her head. The reason it is perfect is because, A) In fact, I am a believer, and B) my name means “Honeybee” so anything with the bee symbol is, in fact, very significant to me. Whether or not she knows this, I don’t know, but it is a gift I will treasure for a long time…

As far as PPD and Mothering goes, I’m learning to feel much less guilt in the past couple of months than I have in my entire life. Maybe that’s a result of the Zoloft – I don’t know. I just know that I’m getting better about saying “No” to taking on more, and saying “Yes” to letting things go, and allowing myself to feel better for doing so. For instance, Christmas decorations. In the past, I have been an all-out Christmas decorator. Not a professional by any means, but during all the years I was single, I collected a large volume of Christmas decorations and focused on “themes,” of which differed from year to year. One year it was Pink & Gold (Victorian); Another year it was all angels; another year it was all Ivory & pearls; even after getting married, we have added Blue & White (Go Bulldogs!) to the repertoire. I would even decorate my office at work – hanging sparkly snowflakes from shimmering ribbon from the ceiling and playing Christmas CDs until I was sick of them. This year – it’s a 3 foot pre-lit multi-colored Christmas tree out of a box. In a plastic pot. On an end table. That’s the extent of decorating. Not one Christmas CD has been played. Not one strand of pearls or string of garland has been scene. We don’t even have stockings hung up. Granted, Princess Curly is a hands-on kind of girl and even knocked the tree over last night – no big deal – but we have no lights in the windows, and I have not even put out our Nativity scenes. The great thing is – I don’t feel one ounce of guilt. I would like to have taken the time to put out the Nativity scene, but again, I don’t want to lose any characters to the black hole that is my daughter’s toy box. I am kinda picky like that. But I also relish the idea that when Christmas is over, it will be a matter of unplugging one strand of light and putting a small tree into a box. Done. Simple.

And that’s my goal for the next year. Not just for the year, but for my life. Wanting to simplify everything I can. Getting rid of the excess (weight, stress, guilt, “stuff” in the garage, basement, closets, etc.) and learning to be content with the important blessings I’ve been given. King Roy, who is amazing and lovely and sweet and sexy and handsome. Princesses Curly & KT who both bless me and challenge me and make me a better person. My job – that is challenging but really satisfying and wonderful. My extended family – full of life, love, and laughter. It’s really amazing to stop and think about life and what we’re given and it’s rather humbling to think about what we do with what we’re given. I hope that taking this step towards a simple life will lead to living a life of gratitude and thanksgiving.

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